When I Almost Gave Up On God

     Growing up in an Assembly Of God based Church and a Nazarene Church, I was used to judgemental stares even as a kid. My Adopted grandpa was a Pastor and I spend my young years preaching in his church. I received the calling when I was 12. 

     Going through an abusive childhood, I was always grounded and could hardly ever see my friends. Jesus and I were best friends. When I became an young adult I wanted to live my life and did not want to deal with my abuse. 

     It is no wonder I fell into drugs. By 18, I was shooting up cocaine and heroin. That year I asked God to deliver me and he did. When I was on drugs, Jesus was my best friend. I was living a wayward life, but my prayer life was strong. I was in prayer constantly.

I gave up the needle, but still really struggled with drugs. Every year, I would feel my self distancing myself from God even further. When I was 27, my best friend invited me to the Catholic Church. I went through classes and converted to Catholicism. 

I sang in the Choir, taught Sunday School, was a lay minister and even was being encouraged to become a Priest. Long story short, the Catholic Church helped me get back with God. Turning back to God, I conquered my addictions. I left the Catholic Church due to doctrinal differences and God sending me to a Jesus centered Church.

I never knew that in 7 years, I would marry a beautiful Christian Woman and be studying to be a Pastor and growing with a family of believers. God now has a hold of my life firmly. It wasn’t always that way. It took so much trial and error to get where I am that.

I decided to move to Oregon after spending 18 years of my life in Alaska. I moved to Eugene and was suddenly in a situation where I had to meet new people. Oregon was very interesting.

Oregon is full of atheists and many people I hung out with were. I became influenced where I became borderline agnostic. I was in a dangerous place. I was at the point of just throwing up my hands and giving the devil control. I felt I was at my wits end.

In actuality it was a new beginning. I have traveled across the denominational spectrum and have come to one conclusion. It is all about Jesus. It isn’t about being religious. It is about Jesus dying for our sins that we should be forgiven and pick up our own cross and follow Him.

When ever you feel as if Jesus isn’t there, just look around you. Look at the sky. The trees. The mountains. Look at the ones that you love and they love you back. Look deep in yourself. If you believe, He is in you. When you don’t feel Him, cry out to Him. For He loves us with a love like we have never felt before. 

Therefore, brothers and sisters, in view of the mercies of God, I urge you to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God; this is your true worship. Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God. Romans 12:1-2 CSB

(C)2017JeremyBeagle.AllRightsReserved.

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